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Excel At Life--Dedicated to the Pursuit of Excellence in Life, Relationships, Sports and Career





CBT

Jealousy

Depression

Relationships

Conflict

Self-efficacy

Happiness

Goal-setting

Motivation

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Sport Psych

Martial Arts



POPULAR ARTICLES

Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

Conflict in the Workplace

Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic

Promoting Healthy Behavior Change

10 Common Errors in CBT

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Rejection Sensitivity, Irrational Jealousy and Impact on Relationships

For Women Only: How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

What to Do When Your Partner's Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Relationship

Making Attributions for a Healthier Attitude

Happiness is An Attitude

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

The Effectiveness of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment for Anxiety Disorders

Co-Dependency: An Issue of Control

The Pillars of the Self-Concept: Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

POPULAR AUDIOS

Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Meadow Relaxation

Rainy Autumn Morning

Energizing Audios

Quick Stress Relief

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles





Kindle Books by Dr. Monica Frank





RECENT ARTICLES

Are You Passive Aggressive and Want to Change?

When Your Loved One Refuses Help

The Porcupine Effect: Pushing Others Away When You Want to Connect

What if You Considered Other Peoples' Views?

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness

What to Expect from Mindfulness-based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) When You Have Depression and Anxiety

Does Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Lack Compassion? It Depends Upon the Therapist

When Needs Come Into Conflict

What to Do When Anger Hurts Those You Love

A Brief Primer On the Biology of Stress and How CBT Can Help

50 Tools for Panic and Anxiety

Coping With Change: Psychological Flexibility

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Ending a Bad Relationship

I'm Depressed. I'm Overwhelmed. Where Do I Start?



NEW AUDIOS

Hot Springs Relaxation

5 Methods to Managing Anger

Panic Assistance While Driving

Autogenic Relaxation Training

Rainbow Sandbox Mindfulness

Mindfulness Training

Riding a Horse Across the Plains

Cityscape Mindfulness

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

The Great Desert Mindfulness

Tropical Garden Mindfulness

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Probability and OCD

Choosing Happiness

Magic Bubbles for Children

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Cloud Castles for Children

Hot Air Balloon Motivation

Day of Fishing Mindfulness

Audio Version of Article: Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

All Audio Articles

PsychNotes November 2016

by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
Clinical and Sport Psychologist
Index

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November 18, 2016

You Have to Be Willing to Set Limits with Disrespectful Adult Children

image of birds who look like they are having an argument
Frequently, I receive questions from parents of adult children who are “disrespectful.” In most cases the problem occurs due to one of two issues: unreasonable expectations of the parents or fear of setting limits due to possible repercussions.

What can you, as a parent, do about disrespect from adult children?

1) Examine expectations. First, determine whether your expectations are reasonable. What is your definition of respect? Does respect mean they should do as you want? Does it mean your child should never disagree with you? Do you tolerate the behavior or decisions of your friends but not the same behavior from your child? For instance, if your friend ignores your advice or doesn't visit as frequently as you want or doesn't have the same religious or political beliefs, do you consider that disrespectful? But you hold your child to a different standard? Read more...



November 16, 2016

Do You Have Too Much Empathy?

woman reading book
I just discovered why I can't stand literary fiction or TV dramas—you know, the kind with complex characters that describes the pain, suffering, heartbreak, grief as well as the love, joy, and excitement of life. I mean, I already knew that it was related to being a clinical psychologist and being confronted with all those issues multiple times a day. My job was an emotional roller-coaster without having to bring more into my life. Yet, I still wondered what might be wrong with me that, even though I'm a voracious reader, I would rather go to the dentist than read the latest critically acclaimed literary fiction.

However, a research study (Oatley, 2009) sheds some light on my reading preferences. This randomized study divided people into groups and gave them different types of fiction, nonfiction, or nothing at all to read. Then they measured the groups for empathy. What they found is that those who read literary fiction, which requires developing an understanding of the characters' personality and motives, experienced an increase in empathy. Suddenly it made sense why I don't like that type of reading—I have plenty of empathy and want my fiction to allow me to escape from that degree of emotion. Read more...



November 3, 2016

Escaping the “Rubber Fence" Family

trapped behind a window
Family dysfunction comes in many forms and sizes. As a therapist I cringed when I heard people insist how “close” their family is. Not that there is anything wrong with being close. No, it is the forceful insistence of describing their family in such a way. When people adamantly describe their family as “close” it often seems to come from a family demand:

“I always wanted to be an archeologist but it would take me away from my parents. We're very close, you know.”

“That sounds like fun but I can't go. My family is very attached—we have dinner together every week. I need to keep Sundays open for them.”

“My family doesn't think I should take that new job. Even though it pays more and would be interesting, they don't like the idea of all the travel.”

“I can't marry outside of my religion because my family would be disappointed. It doesn't matter how I feel—I don't want to hurt them.”

Families with good relationships do not demand “closeness” of its members although strong ties may exist. A truly “close” family wants all of its members to thrive even if that means being apart, having different beliefs or values, or pursuing a different path in life. Read more...



November 2, 2016

It's Not as Simple as Being Grateful

journal
The current fad in psychology is positive psychology. People are told that peace of mind, well-being, and even improved health will come from journaling or expressing gratitude. Can these gratitude interventions be helpful? Certainly, but making it seem that such techniques can treat anxiety and depression may be a disservice to those who are truly suffering.

My concern about the emphasis on gratitude as a treatment for anxiety and depression is that it places a demand on people with mental illness. In other words, it can become another way of dismissing suffering and blaming the sufferer:

“You wouldn't be so depressed if you just expressed more gratitude!” Read more...



November 1, 2016

The Only Way to Have a Balanced Life is to Do It

balanced rocks--"Balance Life With Balance"
I often find myself feeling out of balance. I get so caught up in a project that other things I want to do go by the wayside. When I recognize this I say to myself, “As soon as this is done, I will find more balance.” Or, “As soon as things settle down...” Or, “Tomorrow...” Read more...



Index

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