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Question: My boyfriend's roommate is overly critical of every statement I make and brings negativity to my ideas. I think this is because he thinks we spend too much time together, but also because I think he hates women. He is trying to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible so that I will stop coming to a place where I am made to feel bad. Regardless, I'm not going to stop seeing my boyfriend, but how do I respond to his passive-aggressive comments?
Response: This is a good example of not only passive-aggressive (PA) behavior but making assumptions about someone else's behavior. Now, certainly, it is possible that the girlfriend is able to “read” the roommate's intentions and personality, but frequently assumptions are wrong. For example, instead of the roommate hating women, perhaps he is uncomfortable with women or doesn't know how to treat them. Therefore, a technique that can potentially defuse the PA behavior as well as uncover more about the roommate's intentions is best used in this situation.Copyright © 2011
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