The following is an example from website readers of passive-aggressive encounters they have experienced. Keep in mind that the suggested responses are not personal advice as a full evaluation of the situation is not available. As such, the suggestions may not work in every situation but are to give you an idea of possible ways to respond. Read: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People
The husband wrote that he is having serious issues with his wife who accuses him of being angry all the time. He indicates that he is angry with her behavior, but she denies that her behavior is a problem. This may be classic PA denial which has the effect of creating anger in the victim. However, this is a good example of how it does no good to complain or become angry because the PA person has then "won" the conflict by displacing it onto the victim (husband) and causing him to look unreasonable. It also is not effective to take an article such as this one and tell her to read it because that will only escalate conflict. It is best to address each issue as it occurs, but to address it with a deeper emotion rather than anger. The anger only justifies the PA person's behavior such as the wife's response: "You have an anger problem."
This reader wrote that he wanted to visit Vegas and his wife didn't want to, but then went with her friends. When he became "upset" she made him feel "stupid and selfish." Anger is a protective emotion which is an outer layer emotion. The deeper emotion, or inner layer, is probably hurt or disappointment or fear. So, it would be better to respond with an assertive statement such as "I feel afraid that you don't love me anymore (or you find me boring) when you would rather go to Vegas with your friends than with me." This way he avoids the accusation of being angry and has the opportunity of her responding with something other than "You're angry all the time."
Another example this reader provided was that when he returned home from overseas, she commented about how nice it was to have the entire bed to herself. Again, he could respond assertively by saying, "I feel disappointed that you don't seem happy to share the bed with me." Notice the assertive statements use the "I" statements where you begin with your emotion and then follow it with the problem behavior or feeling. This type of assertive statement gently confronts the comments rather than immediately believing that his assumptions are correct (and becoming angry). For instance, it is possible that the comment wasn't about him but about how the bed is more comfortable when she is alone.
Ideally, it would be nice if the PA person could recognize her problem and try to be more direct about what she is feeling and what the problems are. However, in the case of a denier that is not likely, so he needs to change the angry response. It is possible that if he quits responding to her passive-aggressiveness with anger, they will be able to address the real problems in their relationship especially since they are already receiving therapeutic help.