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Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Happiness is An Attitude

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Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

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Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

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7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People
Method 7. Reward desired behavior
by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist


Read the following to:
  • Learn how to use reward to increase desired behavior and reduce PA behavior.
Related articles by Dr. Frank:

Previous: Learn how to create consequences for PA behavior.


Next: Determine how and when a PA response can be effectively used.


Estimated reading time: 1 minute

Methods to Use With Passive-aggressive People

Method 7. Reward desired behavior

When you start ignoring or confronting the PA behavior, it becomes easier to reward desired behavior. The more you reward the behavior you want to see, the more likely it will continue, and hopefully, replace the PA behavior. If the PA person learns that direct communication is more likely to get results, then they may become more direct. This method is most effective with those who are unintentionally PA or who are PA for self-protective reasons.

For instance, if the person makes a direct rather than PA statement, reward it by responding to it quickly and positively. “I'm so glad you reminded me! I'll get right to it.” Or, when they do something to be helpful without the attached negativity, thank them! Notice appropriate behavior and try to be responsive to it when you can.

Next: Determine how and when a PA response can be effectively used.