Excel At Life--Dedicated to the Pursuit of Excellence in Life, Relationships, Sports and Career
Excel At Life logo

Excel At Life



Cognitive Diary Examples

Passive-Aggressive Q&A







Goal Setting








CBT Jealousy Depression Relationships Conflict Self-efficacy Happiness Goal-setting Motivation Wellness Sport Psych

Popular Articles

Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Happiness is An Attitude

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

Popular Audios

Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles

Index to 50 Rules of Life

Previous Rule        Next

Rule 19: Accept, Don't Demand

by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
Accept, Don't Demand
We have so many demands on life, on ourselves, on other people. Everywhere we turn there are expectations and obligations.

Yet, peace is found when we let go of these demands.

That doesn't mean, though, that we can't have goals and desires. It just means we need to keep it in perspective. It means not to be fixated on something as the path to our happiness.

When we believe that happiness can only be achieved in a certain way—acquiring wealth, finding a special partner, having the perfect job—then we are relinquishing our happiness to the control of outside forces or events. A person can even fixate on and demand mindfulness: “If I meditate regularly and am mindful, I will be happy.”

Instead, the only control we truly have is in acceptance. If we accept the way things are, instead of demanding they should be different, we are more likely to find contentment.

Accept that you are imperfect but you can still try your best.

Accept that others can be flawed but can still care and have good intentions.

Accept that imperfections and flaws are viewed through the lens of demands. Without demands, your perception changes.

Accept that pain and suffering exists but so does joy and pleasure. You choose your focus.

Accept that you can try to change things and may succeed or fail. The importance is in the attempt, not the outcome.

Accept that the pinnacles of achievement may feel good for a moment, but the journey is what matters.

Accept that the world doesn't have to be what you think it should be.

Accept that you can be wrong and others can be right.

Accept that the depths of despair isn't all there is.

Accept that happiness isn't a goal to be achieved.

Accept that life matters but doesn't have to be conquered.

Accept, don't demand.

curved line