Excel At Life--Dedicated to the Pursuit of Excellence in Life, Relationships, Sports and Career
CBT Jealousy Depression Relationships Conflict Self-efficacy Happiness Goal-setting Motivation Wellness Sport Psych

Popular Articles

Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Happiness is An Attitude

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

Popular Audios

Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles


PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE EXAMPLES

Index

Previous        Next
print

The following is an example from website readers of passive-aggressive encounters they have experienced. Keep in mind that the suggested responses are not personal advice as a full evaluation of the situation is not available. As such, the suggestions may not work in every situation but are to give you an idea of possible ways to respond. Read: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Siblings Won't Help With Elderly Father

Question: I am fourth in a family of 5 siblings. Our elderly father is now 93 and still living on his own, primarily because I drive 200 miles each weekend to take care of a host of things for him. I've repeatedly tried to get my other siblings involved, but they ignore me. It is no more difficult for them to participate than me, yet they repeatedly just ignore me. Often I send an email asking if they'll visit on a holiday, or mentioning there's a problem with something in the house. And still, no response. I've been doing this for minimally 10 years. Even though I see the others maybe once a year, they never address this glaring issue and if I bring it up, they immediately leave or act as though I have some big emotional problem. A friend who is a psychologist, categorized this behavior as passive-aggressive. Is this true ? I did not find something that rang true in the list of behaviors at the website. I'm trying to understand the behavior, and find tools to deal with it all more effectively.

Now on Kindle! Dr. Frank's articles on handling passive-aggressive people. Tap to purchase on Amazon for $2.99
Response: Certainly, the aspect of this situation where the siblings won't address the problem directly but act as if she has a “big emotional problem” is passive-aggressive behavior (specifically blaming). The purpose of this behavior is to deflect an issue they don't want to face. By making her the “bad guy” they don't have to acknowledge the problem or their behavior. They don't have to say “I don't care about Dad” or “I don't want to help.” Obviously, acknowledging those things would make them look bad, so they protect their self-image by making the writer out to be the “emotional” or “crazy” one.

However, there is another issue here and that is the writer has been doing this for 10 years! It is time for her to recognize that they are not going to help. Part of her stress comes from beating her head against the wall that her siblings have created. By recognizing that she can't expect them to help, she can then move on to other decisions. “Knowing that my siblings aren't going to help, how do I best manage this situation? How can I take care of myself while taking care of Dad? What assistance is available to help with an elderly parent?” She can also decide what kind of relationship she wants to have with her siblings by recognizing their limitations and whether she can accept those limitations are not. But she cannot make them change or care—10 years is proof of that!

Previous        Next



print

Questions and Comments

All comments and questions require approval so you may not see your submission immediately.

Provide Example of Passive-Aggressive Behavior.  Any comments or information you share may be used for future articles.  However, identifying information will not be used:


Message.  Provide an example of a passive-aggressive encounter you have had so suggestions can be provided on this site regarding how to handle such situations.
NO PERSONAL REPLIES WILL BE PROVIDED.

Enter email address (optional).
Your email address will not be shared or used in any way other than how you specify:

Kindle Books by
Dr. Monica Frank



Recent Articles

Analyzing Your Moods, Symptoms, and Events with Excel At Life's Mood Log

Why You Get Anxious When You Don't Want To

Why People Feel Grief at the Loss of an Abusive Spouse or Parent

“Are You Depressed?”: Understanding Diagnosis and Treatment

15 Coping Statements for Panic and Anxiety

Beyond Tolerating Emotions: Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort

Emotion Training: What is it and How Does it Work?

How You Can Be More Resistant to Workplace Bullying

Are You Passive Aggressive and Want to Change?

When Your Loved One Refuses Help

Newest Audios

Building Blocks Emotion Training

Hot Springs Relaxation

5 Methods to Managing Anger

Panic Assistance While Driving

Autogenic Relaxation Training

Rainbow Sandbox Mindfulness

Mindfulness Training