Excel At Life--Dedicated to the Pursuit of Excellence in Life, Relationships, Sports and Career
Excel At Life logo
×

Excel At Life
Contents

Home

Apps

Cognitive Diary Examples

Passive-Aggressive Q&A

PsychNotes

Topics

Anxiety

CBT

Depression

Conflict

Goal Setting

Happiness

Jealousy

Motivation

Relationships

Self-esteem

SportPsych

Wellness

CBT Jealousy Depression Relationships Conflict Self-efficacy Happiness Goal-setting Motivation Wellness Sport Psych

Popular Articles

Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Happiness is An Attitude

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

Popular Audios

Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles

Passive-Aggressive Example
Handling a Backhanded Compliment

More examples | Previous | Next

The following is an example from website readers of passive-aggressive encounters they have experienced. The suggested responses are not personal advice as a full evaluation of the situation is not available. Also, the suggestions may not work in every situation but are to give you an idea of possible ways to respond. For more, read: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People and 7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

Question: How do you respond to the following statement? "Wow, for someone really well read, you watch the stupidest TV shows!"

Response: I suppose the temptation is to respond with, "Wow, for someone supposedly intelligent, you say the stupidest things!" However, let's assume that we don't want to stoop to the same level, but instead, handle this type of statement with tact while confronting the insult.

This is an example of a backhanded compliment which is a passive-aggressive way of insulting someone and can take many forms. Often, the insult is fairly well disguised but the recipient can distinguish the subtle nuance and feel the insult. However, in such a situation, it is very difficult to confront because on the surface it appears to be a compliment. As a result, the perpetrator can blame the victim if confronted, "Wow! Are you sensitive! I didn't mean it that way at all!"

In this case, however, the insult is fairly clear. I categorize it as a backhanded compliment because it starts out as a compliment and then slaps the victim in the face with an insult. Therefore, it can be confronted more directly: "I feel hurt when you judge me like that" or "Is there a reason you feel the need to criticize my TV viewing?" or "I understand you have a difference of opinion about TV shows, but is it necessary to say it in such a hurtful way?"

These statements confront the intention of the statement and point out how it is inappropriate. The other individual can still get defensive and deny intention such as "I was only kidding! You are so sensitive!" In which case, using the broken record technique of repeating what you just said (or a variation of it) with a request of "I'd appreciate if you don't do that again" until the person quits being defensive and agrees with your request can be effective.

curved line