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Sport Psych


Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

Conflict in the Workplace

Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

Promoting Healthy Behavior Change

10 Common Errors in CBT

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Rejection Sensitivity, Irrational Jealousy and Impact on Relationships

For Women Only: How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

What to Do When Your Partner's Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Relationship

Making Attributions for a Healthier Attitude

Happiness is An Attitude

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

The Effectiveness of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment for Anxiety Disorders

Co-Dependency: An Issue of Control

The Pillars of the Self-Concept: Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?


Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Meadow Relaxation

Rainy Autumn Morning

Energizing Audios

Quick Stress Relief

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles

Kindle Books by Dr. Monica Frank


Why You Get Anxious When You Don't Want To

Why People Feel Grief at the Loss of an Abusive Spouse or Parent

“Are You Depressed?”: Understanding Diagnosis and Treatment

15 Coping Statements for Panic and Anxiety

Beyond Tolerating Emotions: Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort

Emotion Training: What is it and How Does it Work?

How You Can Be More Resistant to Workplace Bullying

Are You Passive Aggressive and Want to Change?

When Your Loved One Refuses Help

The Porcupine Effect: Pushing Others Away When You Want to Connect

What if You Considered Other Peoples' Views?

5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness

What to Expect from Mindfulness-based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) When You Have Depression and Anxiety

Does Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Lack Compassion? It Depends Upon the Therapist

When Needs Come Into Conflict

What to Do When Anger Hurts Those You Love

A Brief Primer On the Biology of Stress and How CBT Can Help

50 Tools for Panic and Anxiety

Coping With Change: Psychological Flexibility

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Ending a Bad Relationship

I'm Depressed. I'm Overwhelmed. Where Do I Start?


Building Blocks Emotion Training

Hot Springs Relaxation

5 Methods to Managing Anger

Panic Assistance While Driving

Autogenic Relaxation Training

Rainbow Sandbox Mindfulness

Mindfulness Training

Riding a Horse Across the Plains

Cityscape Mindfulness

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

The Great Desert Mindfulness

Tropical Garden Mindfulness

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Probability and OCD

Choosing Happiness

Magic Bubbles for Children

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Cloud Castles for Children

Hot Air Balloon Motivation

All Audio Articles

Cognitive Diary Example:
Worried that Someone Dislikes Her

The following example is to help learn to identify and change irrational thinking. It uses the format of the Cognitive Diary CBT Self-help app.




Additional reading:

  • How Do We Change Irrational Thinking?
  • Understanding and Using the Cognitive Diary
  • Articles defining irrational styles of thinking

  • Event: A co-worker acts like she dislikes me--she doesn't seem very friendly towards me

    Emotions: confused, distressed, resentful

    Distress Rating: 7--Distress, less in control

    Thoughts: What's wrong with me that she doesn't like me? I'm a nice person and didn't do anything to her. I've tried everything--I don't know what else to do. What if I can't make her like me? It is so unfair. Who does she think she is to treat me like this? What a snob!

    Can You Identify the Irrational Thinking in this Example? There are at least 3 irrational beliefs.

    How Can You Change the Thinking? What is another way of thinking about the situation that won't cause the feelings of confusion, distress, and resentment?

    The Cognitive Diary CBT Self-Help app helps you to determine some ways to challenge the irrational thinking. Once you have done that, it is important to read the rational challenges frequently until they automatically come to mind rather than the irrational thinking.


    Irrational Beliefs:
    1) Catastrophizing. This person has the irrational belief that it is horrible that someone might not like her. So it is first important to challenge this belief. It is not possible to be liked by everyone. Everyone is different with different preferences and interests. In fact, why would anyone want to be liked by everyone? For instance, do you want to be liked by people who engage in behaviors you consider unethical? Or, do you want to be liked because someone feels obligated to like you? What if they don't have time for a new friend but feel like they should spend time with you?

    In addition, trying to be liked by everyone might even make a person less likable. If a person tries to be liked by everyone it means that person is not being genuine. Instead, they are being deceptive by trying to please everyone. In other words, if someone doesn't like you, it is a good thing because you are being naturally who you are. Of course, if most people don't like you, it may be a different type of problem.

    2)Mind-reading. Because she is concerned about whether other people like her, she is more sensitive to behaviors that could be construed as dislike. However, unless a person directly says, "I don't like you" many of these behaviors can be misinterpreted. For instance, the other person could be shy or could be more social with people she knows better. Sometimes behaviors can be related to different cultures or backgrounds. Or, she could be intimidated or lost in thought or numerous other reasons why she behaves the way she does.

    When you assume the other person's behavior is about you without any clear indication, you are mind-reading. Often people can be very convincing in their reasons for mind-reading but without clear evidence they are likely to be wrong. It is best to recognize that mind-reading is often inaccurate and not to make assumptions. If a person is still concerned, they can check it out directly, "You always seem to ignore me--is there a problem?" However, it is not a good idea to do this excessively as others might find it annoying.

    3) Blaming. This individual became angry when she realized she was helpless to change the situation. So instead of accepting that she can't be liked by everyone she blamed the other person and labeled her negatively. Even if the other person doesn't like her it doesn't mean that person is bad. It just means people have differences or other priorities and we can't be liked by everyone. Blaming the other person when emotional distress is due to personal insecurities is not conducive to developing good relationships.

    How Can This Thinking Be Changed?
    "I don't know how this person feels about me but even if she does dislike me, it is okay. My self-worth isn't based on whether this person likes me. Everyone is different and if I'm genuinely myself some people may not like me. That is okay because I like who I am."



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