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Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

Conflict in the Workplace

Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

Promoting Healthy Behavior Change

10 Common Errors in CBT

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Rejection Sensitivity, Irrational Jealousy and Impact on Relationships

For Women Only: How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

What to Do When Your Partner's Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Relationship

Making Attributions for a Healthier Attitude

Happiness is An Attitude

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

The Effectiveness of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment for Anxiety Disorders

Co-Dependency: An Issue of Control

The Pillars of the Self-Concept: Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?


Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Meadow Relaxation

Rainy Autumn Morning

Energizing Audios

Quick Stress Relief

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles

Kindle Books by Dr. Monica Frank


Why You Get Anxious When You Don't Want To

Why People Feel Grief at the Loss of an Abusive Spouse or Parent

“Are You Depressed?”: Understanding Diagnosis and Treatment

15 Coping Statements for Panic and Anxiety

Beyond Tolerating Emotions: Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort

Emotion Training: What is it and How Does it Work?

How You Can Be More Resistant to Workplace Bullying

Are You Passive Aggressive and Want to Change?

When Your Loved One Refuses Help

The Porcupine Effect: Pushing Others Away When You Want to Connect

What if You Considered Other Peoples' Views?

5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness

What to Expect from Mindfulness-based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) When You Have Depression and Anxiety

Does Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Lack Compassion? It Depends Upon the Therapist

When Needs Come Into Conflict

What to Do When Anger Hurts Those You Love

A Brief Primer On the Biology of Stress and How CBT Can Help

50 Tools for Panic and Anxiety

Coping With Change: Psychological Flexibility

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Ending a Bad Relationship

I'm Depressed. I'm Overwhelmed. Where Do I Start?


Building Blocks Emotion Training

Hot Springs Relaxation

5 Methods to Managing Anger

Panic Assistance While Driving

Autogenic Relaxation Training

Rainbow Sandbox Mindfulness

Mindfulness Training

Riding a Horse Across the Plains

Cityscape Mindfulness

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

The Great Desert Mindfulness

Tropical Garden Mindfulness

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Probability and OCD

Choosing Happiness

Magic Bubbles for Children

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Cloud Castles for Children

Hot Air Balloon Motivation

All Audio Articles

Cognitive Diary Example

The following example is to help learn to identify and change irrational thinking. It uses the format of the Cognitive Diary CBT Self-help app.



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Additional reading:

  • How Do We Change Irrational Thinking?
  • Understanding and Using the Cognitive Diary
  • Articles defining irrational styles of thinking
  • Eating When Feeling Lonely

    Event: Sitting at home alone and binging on junk food

    Emotions: miserable, rejected, inadequate

    Distress Rating: 7--Distress, less in control

    Thoughts: I'm bored. All my friends are doing something else. They don't really care about me or they would have invited me. I'm probably just boring and they don't want to be around me. I'm such a loser! What does it matter if I eat junk food?

    Can You Identify the Irrational Thinking in this Example? There are at least 3 irrational beliefs.

    How Can You Change the Thinking? What is another way of thinking about the situation that won't cause the feelings of misery, rejection and inadequacy?

    The Cognitive Diary CBT Self-Help app helps you to determine some ways to challenge the irrational thinking. Once you have done that, it is important to read the rational challenges frequently until they automatically come to mind rather than the irrational thinking.


    Irrational Beliefs:
    1) Mind-reading of Others. She is creating assumptions about why her friends are having fun and she is sitting home alone. There are so many possible reasons for such a situation that she can't know the reason unless someone has told her directly, "We don't like you." Short of that, she is guessing and since she is talking about "friends" it is unlikely to be true.

    Mind-reading is changed by recognizing that it is an assumption and that it is not possible to know what someone else is thinking without being told. How many times have you accused someone of thinking a certain way but they deny it? Yes, it is easy to further assume that person is lying. But then you are layering assumptions upon other assumptions. If nothing else, at least acknowledging that it is better to not draw any conclusions about a situation is better than inaccurate assumptions.

    2) Labeling Self. Believing that others don't like her, she then labels herself negatively as a "loser." The problem with such labeling is that it is global in the sense that one situation makes her a loser. As such, it implies that she is not capable of anything else in her life, and so, when her friends don't spend time with her she is a complete and utter failure. The likelihood of that being true is remote. In addition, she is basing her sense of self on what others might think. Even if people didn't like her, it doesn't mean she is a loser. She is choosing to define herself by how someone else might view her.

    Instead, she could examine her qualities and recognize there are many positive things about her and defining herself according to one situation isn't fair to her. And especially when that situation is based upon assumptions. She may even use this time alone to work on issues of self-concept and learning to define herself in a different way.

    3) External Control Fallacy. This person feels out-of-control. She doesn't believe she has a choice in her relationships with her friends and that her happiness is based on their whims. If they want to spend time with her then she is happy. Otherwise, she feels lonely and unhappy and tries to gain control by eating. The inaccuracy in this thinking is that she has control over her happiness and her emotions. Her emotions don't have to be based on her friends' decisions and behavior. Emotions are internal states that are representations of our thinking. The more she believes her happiness is based upon whether others like her and want to be with her, then she will be controlled by external situations and other people.

    How Can This Thinking Be Changed?
    "My friends might be doing something else but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. It doesn't even mean they don't like me. It is normal to be busy with other friends and family. I have a lot to offer people and it is up to me to reach out to others—not always wait for them. Eating might make me feel good temporarily but it is not the solution."


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