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Excel At Life--Dedicated to the Pursuit of Excellence in Life, Relationships, Sports and Career





CBT

Jealousy

Depression

Relationships

Conflict

Self-efficacy

Happiness

Goal-setting

Motivation

Wellness

Sport Psych



POPULAR ARTICLES

Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

Conflict in the Workplace

Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

Promoting Healthy Behavior Change

10 Common Errors in CBT

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Rejection Sensitivity, Irrational Jealousy and Impact on Relationships

For Women Only: How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

What to Do When Your Partner's Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Relationship

Making Attributions for a Healthier Attitude

Happiness is An Attitude

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

The Effectiveness of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment for Anxiety Disorders

Co-Dependency: An Issue of Control

The Pillars of the Self-Concept: Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

POPULAR AUDIOS

Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Meadow Relaxation

Rainy Autumn Morning

Energizing Audios

Quick Stress Relief

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles





Kindle Books by Dr. Monica Frank





RECENT ARTICLES

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“Are You Depressed?”: Understanding Diagnosis and Treatment

15 Coping Statements for Panic and Anxiety

Beyond Tolerating Emotions: Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort

Emotion Training: What is it and How Does it Work?

How You Can Be More Resistant to Workplace Bullying

Are You Passive Aggressive and Want to Change?

When Your Loved One Refuses Help

The Porcupine Effect: Pushing Others Away When You Want to Connect

What if You Considered Other Peoples' Views?

5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness

What to Expect from Mindfulness-based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) When You Have Depression and Anxiety

Does Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Lack Compassion? It Depends Upon the Therapist

When Needs Come Into Conflict

What to Do When Anger Hurts Those You Love

A Brief Primer On the Biology of Stress and How CBT Can Help

50 Tools for Panic and Anxiety

Coping With Change: Psychological Flexibility

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Ending a Bad Relationship

I'm Depressed. I'm Overwhelmed. Where Do I Start?



NEW AUDIOS

Building Blocks Emotion Training

Hot Springs Relaxation

5 Methods to Managing Anger

Panic Assistance While Driving

Autogenic Relaxation Training

Rainbow Sandbox Mindfulness

Mindfulness Training

Riding a Horse Across the Plains

Cityscape Mindfulness

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

The Great Desert Mindfulness

Tropical Garden Mindfulness

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Probability and OCD

Choosing Happiness

Magic Bubbles for Children

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Cloud Castles for Children

Hot Air Balloon Motivation

All Audio Articles

PsychNotes November 2013

by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.

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November 29, 2013 Explains what panic is and is not, how it is maintained by the anxiety cycle, and some methods to learn how to control it. In addition, you may want to download the free Panic Assistance Audio that coaches you through a panic attack.

"...even panic is normal. Most of us will experience a spontaneous panic attack some time in our life...Because a panic attack feels awful many people assume that it is dangerous..."



November 25, 2013 Describes how to change irrational thinking styles by using the cognitive diary technique. In addition to the Cognitive Diary technique on the website, you can also download the Cognitive Diary CBT Self-Help app for Android devices (update just announced previously).

"Our thinking is very changeable. If you worked on changing your thinking everyday by reading, listening to the audio exercises, and completing a cognitive diary you will find your thinking changing even within a few weeks."



November 23, 2013 This Excel At Life android app helps to identify irrational thinking that can contribute to anxiety, depression, conflict, and other life problems. The update makes the interface more user friendly. This app has had nearly 150,000 downloads since it was first released 2 years ago.

The Cognitive Diary is a method in which you record your thoughts and feelings about a situation. Then you examine your thoughts to determine the accuracy. If the thoughts are irrational, you develop a way of challenging the thinking and use the challenging thoughts repeatedly until they become automatic.

For more info: Understanding and Using the Cognitive Diary



November 20, 2013 Discusses the concept of happiness and the common obstacles to achieving happiness. Reviews the methods on how to reduce the obstacles to happiness.

"...happiness doesn't come with fireworks and a parade. Instead, it sneaks in quietly as the night so that you don't realize it has been there for awhile."



November 18, 2013 Discusses the concept of adapting to change and how CBT can improve psychological flexibility.



November 17, 2013

PsychNote: REWARDING DESIRED BEHAVIOR VS. EVERYONE GETS A REWARD

Behavioral modification of childrens' behavior is based upon reinforcing desired behavior with a reward. It requires identifying a specific behavior as a goal and rewarding that behavior. However, our society seems to have confused this concept. It seems that the concept of reward is understood, but not the concept of identifying the specific behavior.

As a result, we have seen where praise is given indiscriminately rather than based on the behavior. For example, “You are so smart!” rather than “That was wonderful in how you persisted in figuring out that problem!” As you can see, the second statement encourages a specific behavior (persistence) whereas the first statement is too general and doesn't indicate anything the child can do to obtain the reward of praise.

Our society believes that if praise is good, then lots of praise must be even better. But nothing could be further from the truth. Indiscriminate praise teaches a child that he/she doesn't have to do anything to obtain reward—just the fact that he/she exists is enough. Trying to raise a child's self-esteem with meaningless praise can do more harm than good. Children are smart enough to know the difference and can come to believe that they must not be very capable or talented if the adults in their lives can't identify specific things at which they excel.

Children need to learn to strive for something. However, if we reward all behavior or if everyone gets a trophy, children learn there is no point to their effort. Giving them direction, a goal to strive for, helps them to succeed.

For example, research has shown that rewarding school children engaged in cooperative behavior improves that behavior (Embry, 2002). However, such reward involves such things as a longer recess for the winning team. Isn't that interesting? Competitively rewarding cooperative behavior improves cooperation!

Therefore, eliminating competition is not the answer. Competition is important. However, we need to pay greater attention to how it is done. Competition needs to focus on improving the self rather than defeating opponents. As parents, educators, coaches, we need to identify the specific behavioral goals and how we will reward them. Yes, this takes more work than indiscriminate reward, but when done right, it is much more effective.

Creating the right kind of nurturing environment in schools and homes that can provide appropriate specific rewards with limit-setting can improve overall well-being as well as the ability to act based upon long-term goals and values (Biglan et al., 2012). In other words, children learn through competition and limits but we need to clearly define what we want to teach and how the reward and limits achieve that goal.

Biglan, A., Flay, B.R., Embry, D.D. And Sandler, I.N. (2012).The Critical Role of Nurturing Environments for Promoting Human Well-Being, American Psychologist, 67, 257-271.

Embry, D. D. (2002). The Good Behavior Game: A best practice candidate as a universal behavioral vaccine. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 5, 273–297.



November 12, 2013

New Audio: DAILY MINDFULNESS PRACTICE--Touching a Door Knob

The above audio is part of a series of short mindfulness practice exercises to help train your brain to be more mindful or present focus. This mindfulness practice is particularly helpful in learning to create a trigger for being more mindful in daily activities. The more you do this exercise, it will become a reminder and train your brain to trigger mindfulness for whatever you experience after touching the door knob.



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