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Popular Articles

Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Happiness is An Attitude

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?

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Relaxation for Children

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions--page 8

by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
"Happiness is not something you achieve. In fact, the more you try to find happiness, the less likely you will be happy. Happiness occurs by how you live your life."

SUGGESTION 24: CHANGE A DEMAND TO A DESIRE

Another obstacle to happiness is how we approach life problems. Certainly, some characteristics may not be changeable, but others may be learned patterns of thinking and behavior. One of these patterns is perfectionism. Many people who are perfectionists don't recognize their perfectionistic demands. They tend to believe that perfectionism is BEING perfect and they don't feel they ARE perfect, therefore they must not be perfectionsists.

However, that is inaccurate. Perfectionism is the tendency to be harsh or critical with yourself when you don't meet expectations or demands that are unreasonable. It is a belief that you SHOULD be perfect.

For example, an unreasonable demand is "I should be able to meet other people's expectations no matter what." Such a demand is unreasonable because sometimes others' may have expectations that are unreasonable given the time you have or other demands on you. In this scenario you might have trouble saying "No" to someone which can lead to stress and reduce your opportunity for happiness.

If you recognize that you have perfectionistic demands, you want to begin to recognize them as being unreasonable and then change them to a realistic desire. For instance, with the earlier demand statement you could say "Just because someone has an expectation doesn't mean it is reasonable. I need to decide what is best for me and refuse unreasonable expectations."

Keep in mind that just recognizing a demand for what it is can be a significant step towards changing it because when you say it is unreasonable you are changing your thinking about it.

SUGGESTION 25: SIT OUTSIDE IN THE SUN

Sunshine has health benefits. When you have the opportunity, sitting in the sun can increase vitamin D which research has been shown to improve mood. Every little thing you do adds up to create the conditions for happiness. As little as 15 minutes of sunshine a day can help uplift your mood.

Not only does sitting in the sun provide vitamin D that helps people feel better, it also provides a change of scenery, fresh air, light, warmth, listening to the sounds of nature, feeling a gentle breeze, all of which are mindful experiences and can be uplifting to some degree.

SUGGESTION 26: EXERCISE

Exercise is a natural mood elevator and contributes to overall health which helps increase the opportunity for happiness. Not only has research shown that exercise can be a mood elevator, regular exercise of 20-30 minutes 4-5 times a week can have the same benefit as anti-depressants. And without the side effects! This does not mean you should stop taking any prescribed anti-depressants and start exercising. That should only be done in consultation with your doctor.

Of course, the most difficult aspect of exercise for many people is doing it. If you find that is the case, try increasing your activity level gradually. The nice thing about exercise is that it creates energy so once you can get past the initial inertia, you may begin to feel benefits. Even starting with a few minutes can move you in the right direction. Be sure not to over-do exercise or it may counteract the benefits you can obtain.

SUGGESTION 27: DO SOME STRETCHING

Taking care of your body by stretching helps to reduce the effects of stress. Have you ever noticed how relaxed most cats seem? When they transition from a resting position, they usually stretch first. Stretching your muscles keeps your body in better condition, improves balance, and helps to reduce injuries.

Stretching doesn't have to be very involved. You can take a few moments throughout the day, perhaps when you are getting up from bed or a chair, and focus on stretching your muscles. To enhance the experience even more, combine your stretching with slow, focused breathing. Included on this website is a short stretching audio.

SUGGESTION 28: WATCH A COMEDY

Scientific research has shown that laughter releases endorphins, a natural pain-killing chemical in the body which increases a sense of well-being. Endorphins are released with activity or other behaviors that may elicit pain (even mild pain). It is believed that the abdominal contractions involved with laughter, especially hearty laughter exhausting the muscles, causes the endorphins to release.

However, even if you don't laugh when you are watching a comedy, you are still activating different areas of the brain that are associated with a positive mood.

SUGGESTION 29: THINK OF AN EXPERIENCE YOU'VE ENJOYED

Thinking of an experience you've enjoyed at some point can effect you in much the same way as the actual experience. Our brain doesn't always distinguish between an actual experience and our memory of an experience. That is why a sad memory can cause us to cry.

Therefore, when we think about something that we have enjoyed in the past, we are likely to elicit many of the same emotions as when we actually experienced it. When doing this activity try and focus on the past enjoyment in a mindful way. Focus fully on the experience and when any negative or distracting thoughts occur just gently re-focus yourself on the memory.

Keeping track of positive events in the Happiness Journal included in the Happy Habits or by writing them down can help you review and focus on experiences you have enjoyed. READ MORE: page 9