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Crazy-Makers: Dealing with Passive-Aggressive People

Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

When You Have Been Betrayed

Struggling to Forgive: An Inability to Grieve

Happy Habits: 50 Suggestions

The Secret of Happiness: Let It Find You (But Make the Effort)

Excellence vs. Perfection

Depression is Not Sadness

Conflict in the Workplace

Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic

20 Steps to Better Self-Esteem

7 Rules and 8 Methods for Responding to Passive-aggressive People

Promoting Healthy Behavior Change

10 Common Errors in CBT

What to Do When Your Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Marriage

Rejection Sensitivity, Irrational Jealousy and Impact on Relationships

For Women Only: How to Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

What to Do When Your Partner's Jealousy Threatens to Destroy Your Relationship

Making Attributions for a Healthier Attitude

Happiness is An Attitude

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Guide to How to Set Achieveable Goals

The Effectiveness of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment for Anxiety Disorders

Co-Dependency: An Issue of Control

The Pillars of the Self-Concept: Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy

Catastrophe? Or Inconvenience?


Panic Assistance

Motivational Audios

Mindfulness Training

Rational Thinking

Relaxation for Children

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

Loving Kindness Meditation

Self-Esteem Exercise

Meadow Relaxation

Rainy Autumn Morning

Energizing Audios

Quick Stress Relief

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Choosing Happiness

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Audio Version of Article: Crazy-Makers: Passive-Aggressive People

Audio Version of Article: Why Are People Mean? Don't Take It Personally!

Audio Version of Article: Happiness Is An Attitude

All Audio Articles

Kindle Books by Dr. Monica Frank


Emotion Training: What is it and How Does it Work?

How You Can Be More Resistant to Workplace Bullying

Are You Passive Aggressive and Want to Change?

When Your Loved One Refuses Help

The Porcupine Effect: Pushing Others Away When You Want to Connect

What if You Considered Other Peoples' Views?

5 Common Microaggressions Against Those With Mental Illness

What to Expect from Mindfulness-based Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) When You Have Depression and Anxiety

Does Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Lack Compassion? It Depends Upon the Therapist

When Needs Come Into Conflict

What to Do When Anger Hurts Those You Love

A Brief Primer On the Biology of Stress and How CBT Can Help

50 Tools for Panic and Anxiety

Coping With Change: Psychological Flexibility

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Ending a Bad Relationship

I'm Depressed. I'm Overwhelmed. Where Do I Start?


Building Blocks Emotion Training

Hot Springs Relaxation

5 Methods to Managing Anger

Panic Assistance While Driving

Autogenic Relaxation Training

Rainbow Sandbox Mindfulness

Mindfulness Training

Riding a Horse Across the Plains

Cityscape Mindfulness

Change Yourself--Don't Wait for the World to Change

The Great Desert Mindfulness

Tropical Garden Mindfulness

Thinking Your Way to a Healthy Weight

Lies You Were Told

Probability and OCD

Choosing Happiness

Magic Bubbles for Children

Lotus Flower Relaxation

Cloud Castles for Children

Hot Air Balloon Motivation

All Audio Articles

15 Coping Statements for Panic and Anxiety

by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.

Coping statements can be part of your strategy to manage anxiety. What are coping statements? When you struggle with anxiety you are usually engaging in fearful and/or inaccurate self-talk which tends to increase the anxiety. The purpose of coping statements is to counter this anxious self-talk.

This series provides an explanation of some common coping statements. The best way to use them is to identify the ones that are most calming to you and repeat them over and over when you are anxious sort of like a mantra. Combining a single statement with taking slow breaths can be particularly helpful.

Index to 15 Coping Statements


Coping statement #13: “Tolerating anxiety decreases it.”

Coping statement #13: “Tolerating anxiety decreases it.”

The number one attitude most of my clients have towards anxiety is “I can't stand this! Tell me how to get rid of it!” Then, they think I'm crazy when I tell them, “I can't do that. But I can teach you how to tolerate it.” The last thing in the world they want to hear is they need to learn how to tolerate it: “But I am tolerating it! I have to put up with it every day!”

The concept of tolerating anxiety is frequently misunderstood initially but I would probably be even more misunderstood if I said, “You need to become friends with your anxiety.” If you have read the previous coping statements, a common theme is that the more you focus on anxiety and the more you try to get rid of it or control it, the worse it becomes. So, what is the opposite of that? Accepting the anxiety, listening to it and learning to understand its role and purpose is part of developing a normal relationship with the anxiety.

Think of it like the relationships you have with people. Have you ever met someone you can't stand to be near? Yet, if you take the time to know the person and have compassion for how that person came to be the way s/he is, you find yourself more able to tolerate the annoying behavior? Maybe even able to accept the “quirks” and like the person for other characteristics?

Anxiety is like that. If you can learn to look past the annoying parts of the anxiety, you may find that it can provide you with very useful information. Sometimes it may not be information you want to hear but it's purpose is to help you.

For instance, one of my first clients was a woman with panic attacks who said in the first visit, “I'm a stay-at-home mom and that is not up for discussion.” Surprised at the passion of her statement, I accepted it and just asked what she wanted from therapy—how she wanted her life to be different. It took her several months of me continuing to ask that question but one day she brought in a list with the top item being “go to law school.” After that she was no longer having panic attacks because she had finally listened to what she wanted rather than suppressing it because of what she thought she should do.

What the anxiety is trying to say isn't the same for everyone but there is often an underlying message. Sometimes a person might be at odds with herself, sometimes it may be an interpersonal conflict, sometimes it may be a fear of the possible future or of death, or a host of other possibilities.

I do realize there are some people whose regulatory system is so off that they may have symptoms for no apparent reason and the cognitive-behavioral approach isn't enough. However, even in those cases learning to tolerate anxiety can be useful. But for many other people with anxiety problems, learning to think differently about the anxiety can aid tremendously.

Developing tolerance of anxiety can be accomplished through changing your thinking about anxiety and learning a mindful approach to anxiety. The following resources on this website can help you learn more:

  • Learning to Tolerate Anxiety
  • Understanding Mindfulness

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