Step 4. Improve Self-Esteem

Work on improving your self-esteem.

Improving self-esteem is obviously an extensive topic. Many individuals who experience irrational jealousy may not recognize the self-esteem issues. This may particularly be the case when they are over-compensating with perfectionistic tendencies. However, if you listen to yourself, how often are you demanding and self-critical? If you are not aware of being self-critical, how often are you critical of others? Often, our criticisms of others can provide us with clues about our expectations for ourselves. Some individuals may even argue that these expectations are reasonable and a minimal requirement for human beings. If you find yourself in that category, you may first need to address perfectionistic demands and start challenging what is reasonable before you can address the self-esteem issues.

However, if you have already started the first three steps towards dealing with irrational jealousy, you are also beginning to address the self-esteem issues. To address these issues more in-depth would take a book. In fact, the best technique I have found is in the book "Self-Esteem" by Matthew McKay. The first three chapters provide an overview of understanding the pathological critic and the fourth chapter provides an excellent exercise that addresses changing the self-esteem. It involves writing down all your strengths and weaknesses in seven different areas of self-esteem. Then, you re-word the negatives to make them more neutral or even positive such as you might do for a job resume. Finally, you write a detailed description of yourself based on these re-worded attributes, and again, use the technique of repetition to change your thinking about yourself by reading this description daily or more.