|
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR JEALOUSY
THREATENS TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE
by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
Step 4.
Improve Self-Esteem
Work on improving your self-esteem.
Improving self-esteem is obviously an extensive
topic. Many individuals who experience irrational jealousy may not
recognize the self-esteem issues. This may particularly be the case when
they are over-compensating with perfectionistic tendencies. However, if
you listen to yourself, how often are you demanding and self-critical? If
you are not aware of being self-critical, how often are you critical of others?
Often, our criticisms of others can provide us with clues about our expectations
for ourselves. Some individuals may even argue that these expectations are
reasonable and a minimal requirement for human beings. If you find
yourself in that category, you may first need to address perfectionistic demands
and start challenging what is reasonable before you can address the self-esteem
issues.
However, if you have already started the first
three steps towards dealing with irrational jealousy, you are also beginning to
address the self-esteem issues. To address these issues more in-depth
would take a book. In fact, the best technique I have found is in the book
"Self-Esteem" by Matthew McKay. The first three chapters provide an
overview of understanding the pathological critic and the fourth chapter
provides an excellent exercise that addresses changing the self-esteem. It
involves writing down all your strengths and weaknesses in seven different areas
of self-esteem. Then, you re-word the negatives to make them more neutral
or even positive such as you might do for a job resume. Finally, you write
a detailed description of yourself based on these re-worded attributes, and
again, use the technique of repetition to change your thinking about yourself by
reading this description daily or more.
Copyright © 2009 by
www.excelatlife.com. Permission
to reprint this article is granted if it includes this entire copyright and link.
|
"If you truly want a chance for your partner to
change, the best place to start is with yourself. "
Recommended
Books
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques
for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your
Self-Esteem
By Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning
The Self-esteem Companion: Simple Exercises
to Help You Challenge Your Inner Critic & Celebrate Your
Personal Strengths
By Patrick Fanning, Carole
Honeychurch, Catharine Sutker |
