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MAKING ATTRIBUTIONS
FOR A HEALTHIER ATTITUDE
By Monica A. Frank, Ph.D.
A
natural human tendency is to simplify explanations, especially explanations
regarding the behavior of other people. Even science teaches the importance of
being parsimonious; in other words, don’t use a complex explanation when a
simple one will do. However, many times we over-simplify the cause of behavior,
both as individuals and as a science.
In
social psychology, a concept known as "the fundamental attribution error"
describes the tendency to view too much of someone else’s behavior as related to
internal factors. For instance, if a person is fired from a job, we may think,
"That person is incompetent," even though we could as easily think, "That job
was not right for that person." We tend to believe that the
problems other people have are due to some internal fault or flaw and we tend to
over-estimate the degree of the person's responsibility.
Interestingly, we
tend to view our own behavior in a more complex manner: we attribute our own
failures to external factors and our successes to internal factors.
If we get fired from a job, we may think, "My boss had it in for me,"
whereas, if we get promoted, we may think, "I am intelligent and hard-working."
This concept is even more complex, however, because individuals disposed to
depression think in the opposite manner: they attribute their failures to
internal flaws and their successes to luck. Therefore, in the same situation of
being fired from a job, they may think, "I deserved it because I’m an
incompetent idiot."
So
why is all this important? Because the way we make
attributions about behavior affects relationships and self-esteem. If we
over-simplify behavior, we may contribute to poor self-esteem, or ruin a
relationship. Think about a recent argument you had, preferably one that focused
on your behavior. Now think about how much of the argument was due to the other
individual over-simplifying the reasons for your behavior followed by your
attempts to justify the behavior. You may be surprised to
see how many disagreements relate to this tendency to overlook the complexities
of human behavior.
For example, a woman tells her husband that he doesn’t care about her because he
forgot about her birthday. In this example she simply equates forgetting her
birthday with not caring. However, from her husband’s view, his forgetting may
be much more complex. His family of origin may not have celebrated birthdays,
and so, his concept of the importance of birthdays may be different than his
wife’s notion. Or, he may have been experiencing a number of stressful
situations that required a great deal of energy. Or, the neurological make-up of
his brain may not be conducive to remembering dates. These three possibilities
cover the areas of learning history, current environmental stresses, and
biological predispositions. None of them have anything to do with whether he
cares about his wife or not.
What makes human behavior even more interesting is that the three possibilities
elaborated above may all be involved in a single behavior. Thus, the man above
may have his background, stress, and genetics working against him in remembering
birthdays. But his wife made the simple attribution that his behavior indicated
he didn’t care about her. I'll leave it to your imagination what may happen next
in their interaction due to her not understanding the complexity of his
behavior.
Understanding the complexity of human behavior doesn’t mean that we excuse
people’s behavior; it just means we allow for more complex explanations. Such a
stance is particularly crucial in interactions with children as they are heavily
influenced by adults' responses. For instance, if a father criticizes his son
for not paying attention in school and attributes this problem to laziness, the
boy may begin to think of himself as lazy. This occurs especially when the child
has no alternative explanation. One possible explanation may be that the child
has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) which is a biological condition. However,
until recently, the variability in the performance of children with ADD led many
people to choose the simple explanation that the child wasn’t trying. Often, we
need to look beyond these simple explanations to see what the real problem may
be. Quickly attributing a simple explanation can blind us to other
possibilities.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF
HUMAN BEHAVIOR?
Appreciating the complexities of human behavior involves understanding that we
are biological beings--that our basic make-up, such as intelligence or
disposition, is part of our genetic coding. However, that genetic coding is
influenced by our experiences, which includes both our learning history and our
current stresses. For instance, an individual may be born with a predisposition
to develop an above average intelligence. However, poor nutrition and lack of
environmental stimulation may result in an intelligence level that falls short
of the genetic coding.
In
the area of mental and physical disorders, the "diathesis-stress" model for
illness explains that a "diathesis", or predisposition, exists within a
particular individual for a specific illness. Having a predisposition means that
the individual has the tendency to develop the illness under certain conditions.
However, this explanation also means that the individual will not develop the
disorder or that the disorder may not be as severe under certain conditions.
What I have noticed in my practice is that those clients who have the most
severe anxiety or depression often grew up with parents with similar problems.
Thus, they have both the genetic coding and the learning from their parents'
modeling of irrational thinking and behavior.
We
can think of many of our personality traits in a similar manner. If we take a
child with a high activity level and put her in an environment where she must
sit still and then criticize her when she doesn’t, she may develop low
self-esteem and begin to act in an oppositional and defiant manner. Whereas, a
similar child whose energy is accepted and directed, may learn to focus his
activity in a goal-directed way and feel good about himself.
As
you see, behavior is not as simple as "will-power" or the individual's fault. As
a society, we need to begin to look at behavior in it’s complexity instead of
trying to place blame. This allows us to explore the behavior less judgmentally.
Such a stance permits the individual to examine his or her behavior without
being defensive.
HOW CAN I USE THIS
UNDERSTANDING TO BENEFIT MY LIFE?
First, when you find yourself upset by certain behavior of others, ask yourself
why you are upset. If you find yourself blaming the other person, such as "He's
doing that on purpose," see if you can think of other possible causes of the
behavior. For instance, you might consider when a child is screaming for your
attention, "He's behaving this way because he learned this behavior gets him
attention." By thinking of such possibilities, it gives you an opportunity to
respond in a helpful manner. You might decide to reinforce appropriate behavior
and ignore the screaming. Or in another scenario where someone is ignoring you,
instead of taking it personally, you might think "Maybe she has an anxiety
disorder that makes it difficult to talk with people." If you begin to think
about other possibilities such as these, you may find it easier to cope with
situations and know what to do.
Second, if you have a tendency toward depression, you need to give yourself a
break. Instead of attributing all problems to personal failure, think of the
complexity of your behavior. Take responsibility for your behavior, but don’t
blame yourself. What I mean by this is to accept the consequences resulting from
your behavior, but don’t degrade yourself for making mistakes. For instance, if
you start an exercise program, and you don’t exercise for a week, instead of
berating yourself for failing, just start again. Tell your-self, "The most
important thing is trying, not whether I succeed or not." Such an attitude
actually allows you to accomplish more rather than spending energy to blame
yourself.
Third, recognize the importance of biology and accept your limitations and the
limitations of others. Some people are not biologically inclined to be Olympic
athletes; other people are not meant to be thin; and others are not inclined to
be color coordinated. We have our differences, our talents, and our limitations.
We can not be perfect in everything. Each of us needs to accept ourselves as we
are. By truly accepting ourselves, we will also be able to accept other people.
And finally, accept mental illness as no different than physical illness. If you
don’t blame yourself or others for physical illness, then don't place blame for
mental illness. As with any illness, it is our responsibility to do what is
necessary to take care of ourselves. One way to do so is to learn the skills to
manage our lives. The way we think and cope with stress affects not only our
mental health, but also, our physical health.
See also:
Making Mistakes to Enhance Self-Esteem and Improve
Performance
Copyright ©
2000 by www.excelatlife.com.
Permission to reprint this article is granted if it includes this entire
copyright and link.
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Recommended
Books
Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures
By
Ayala Mal Pines
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques
for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your
Self-Esteem
By Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning
The
Self-esteem Companion: Simple Exercises to Help You Challenge
Your Inner Critic & Celebrate Your Personal Strengths
By Patrick Fanning, Carole
Honeychurch, Catharine Sutker
"If you truly want a chance for your partner to
change, the best place to start is with yourself. "
"To be betrayed, the person must first experience trust in the
betrayer."
"...the way we make attributions about behavior
affects relationships and self-esteem."
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