WHAT IS THE VALUE OF SADNESS?

Experience is our teacher. To truly use the information provided by our emotions, we have to allow ourselves to experience the full range of emotions. All of our experience is relevant and important, even the unpleasant experiences, because we have the opportunity to learn and to grow.

I know that for myself, some of the most unpleasant experiences in my life have been among the most important lessons. Naturally, at the time I didn't go into these experiences willingly, thinking how fortunate I was to be able to experience such pain. No, I resisted and told myself how unfair the situation was. It usually wasn't until later that I realized how valuable the experience was for me. And that the temporary sadness and pain have contributed significantly to my ability to be content with myself and to enjoy life. More recently, however, I am able to look at these experiences more broadly and at least tell myself, "I may not like this situation and I may prefer to not experience it; however, I am sure it will provide something important to my life. Maybe not now, and maybe not ten years from now, but someday it will be of value to me."

This is your choice. You can avoid half of the experience that life offers you by avoiding the message of your emotions. Or you can truly "Seize the day" and fully experience your emotions and the benefit they bring to your life. Sadness is a state of happiness. And so are all the rest of our emotions part of our ability to be content and satisfied.

Intro  to sadness is a state of happiness--page 1

Why is protection from emotions harmful?--page 2

What is happiness?--page 3

Why are all emotions valuable?--page 4

How do we find happiness?--page 5

How do "fixed desires" prevent happiness?--page 6

What is the value of sadness?--page 7

HOW CAN WE BE HAPPY WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN?

For many years when my husband and I were first together I would ask him "When are things going to get better?" We were dealing with the usual stressors that couples face: not enough time, not enough money, and the inevitable random events such as family conflict, deaths of loved ones, illnesses and injuries. In addition, for most of our early years together I was in school and struggling with the balancing of demands of advanced education, part-time work, and a family. But I had the belief that we were working towards this perfect life that one day would emerge shining a rainbow of happiness forever over us. My husband, inclined more toward the practical, just answered my question of "When are things going to get better?," with "Another six months." That answer typically pacified me for awhile because I thought I could handle any amount of stress for six months. However, a point would occur when I once again I asked my husband "When are things going to get better?" Once again, he would answer "Another six months." This scenario occurred fairly routinely for many years.

However, fortunately during this time I had experiences that began to teach me about my expectations of life. In particular, when I was completing my internship at the Veterans Administration Medical Center I had the opportunity to work on the spinal cord injury unit. That experience forever changed my thinking. In particular, I was struck by the differences in attitude among the patients. My job was to psychologically evaluate each patient. Some of those I evaluated had a recent spinal cord injury and some were returning for follow-up visits. Every patient on that unit, however, had a life-changing injury. Never would they walk again and some couldn't use their hands or even needed assistance with breathing. Every one of them had sustained major changes and losses in their life. Some of them not only lost the physical use of their body, but they lost a girlfriend or wife who couldn't handle the situation, or a job that was part of their self-identity. Yet, what I noticed was that no matter what the losses were or the length of time since the injury, the patients could be divided into two categories: happy or miserable.

Those who were happy reported thinking such as "Yeah, this sucks, but I still have dreams. There are still things I can do. And I'm going to focus on those things." Those who were miserable made statements such as "This is so unfair. My whole life is ruined. I will never be happy." In obtaining the life histories of the patients, I saw that those who were happy had full and active lives, they had friends and jobs and were involved in activities. Whereas those who were miserable, often did nothing but stay in bed with little social contact and had more problems with bed sores and other ailments due to the inactivity. I was informed that even though spinal cord injury in itself does not reduce life expectancy, those who gave up tended to die at earlier ages from complications.   PAGE 2

How can we be happy when bad things happen?--page 1

How is the attitude of happiness a choice?--page 2

How is the attitude of happiness different from positive thinking?--page 3